un-SENSOR-ed

(A tribute to my 3^rd year INSTRU pals)

The alarm kept honking as I lingered out of my bed on a Thursday afternoon, drawling sundry curses to the imminent bugbear of mine – the Instru lab. Quickly completing my morning, rather afternoon ablutions, I skimmed through the day’s newspaper to be dumbfounded at the news of an impending Terrorist attack on our tranquil blackboard jungle – the IIT. However trusting the ratiocination of the Terrorist groups, my fear was dispelled.

I quickly transcribed BABU’s (my dear lanky friend’s nick name) discussion with a little paraphrasing and after putting on my rumpled shirt, gravitated towards the mess. I won’t expatiate more about the mess as it has already been comprehensively discussed by one of my instru cohorts (with an Einstein hairstyle and DASHing looks) in his blog. As we reached the lab, Prof Dutta was already half way through the roll call. My labby (a dyed-in-the-wool Maulana AZAD fan), Babu and myself no one had read the manual. Still we kicked off the experiment on a wing and a prayer.

As both of them scrupulously fabricated the circuit, I craned my neck to fathom the mood of the Lab. Prof Dutta had his proverbial smile etched on his lips as he conferred with Mitro regarding attendance. Now this guy is a perennial late comer, a treat freak and of course as he always vaunts bout himself, the highest AIR amongst us (“Tor AIR kii, ball ball”). The ephemeral silence in his group was soon crushed to smithereens as an altercation broke out between Mitro and the happy and GAY Brazilian star Kaka. The gauche Gamauch, their third lab partner, was gawking at the pandemonium helplessly when suddenly we heard some commotion, a welter of sounds which portended a menace approaching the lab (if I got my Doppler effect right).

Yes, it had happened. Every soul stood rooted to the ground in stunned silence as we saw 3 semi-veiled terrorists silhouetted against the open door. “Hands-up!!!” was the behest of one of them which was promptly reciprocated by every one of us – be it the G.Sec, Deptt of Electrical Engg primped in his trademark masculine pink shirt. Or be it the perpetual crammer Tau still looking askance at the unfinished manual.

The Instru 3^rd year studs had been taken hostages by the militants who I conjectured to be from Lashkar-e-Taiba (the only name I know). I must admit I was game for it provided they promised not to bereave our families. At least the Lab was out of question. And one person whom I would bet all my money for appreciating my thought was the notorious Neal n Nikki pair who managed to wear the typical ‘Hum-Beta-Peace-Marega’ look even in such a calamity.

However amidst all this mayhem the terrorists looked completely unperturbed. They asked a butterball to sing a song for them which turned into a bane for the terrorists and a boon for the trio of 3 most coveted cards in a deck – Satti, Atthi and of course the Ace. They mustering up every bit of chivalry left in them allowed the trio to leave (this by fluke saved them from a few crafty karate strokes from an ACE black belter and thus saving them from a few HALLU cinations).

They called a Maratha looking dude (name inspired from a Gutkha major) from the herd and asked him his name. “Suraag M Sacche...errr M Sacche Kharaab…no no Kacche Suraag M...Srry”, “SHUT UP” they cried. Well long appellations have some inherent disadvantages; sometimes they can really befuddle you. Suddenly they were accosted by my labby (the same AZAD fan I told you bout). The kind of Poltu he is, he apparently was trying to make some kind of a pact with them, we reckoned. 10 minutes after he had taken one of the terrorists to discuss the agenda, we heard a shot fired. SHOCK everywhere...is he dead?? A chill ran down everyone’s spine. “Perhaps they misunderstood him…he spoke in English you see”, Babu said. “Or might be he punched his tummy a trifle too hard…you know the way he always does do become friendly with professors and lab in charges”, I muttered.

The gauche Gamauch was slowly segueing into his Drams mode. Seeing his ultra grief stricken countenance, even the terrorists couldn’t stop chuckling to themselves. “What a schmuck!!! Was he your relative or what?” they asked. “Hum hu...mm nnahhi jaa jaante”, the petrified Gamauch jabbered. In the meantime, Babu became lachrymose watching the Rakhis on his wrist…you know they are the eSN’s of my life – he said. As I went on to console him, I saw Pollock dada take out a TFS Rs. 50 receipt and solicit the terrorists into buying it. “Is baar hum tumhare liye Mission Kashmir lagayega…TFS mein evening show dekh lena tumko hum allow kar dega”, he said. Asking him to shut up for Allah’s sake, they turned their attention towards Neal Bose who was busy breaking the instruments of the lab – his age old fantasy. The time was past 4:30 and we all know that no one can impel him to stay in the lab past 4:30. He said his one last eternal words ‘I SON WILL KILL PEACE’ (Guppi Singh’s translation of his original Hindi dialogue) as he leaped across the stools towards one of the terrorists and with all his might took a multimeter and incised its pointed probes into his belly. But alas!!! As a sad anticlimax, the probes of the multimeter were broken. He himself had intentionally broken it in the last lab and now he would have to pay through his nose for his fantasy – the fantasy of breaking instruments in instrumentation lab. His partner Nikki Bond started fisticuffs with the terrorists to save his partner and best friend Neal but sadly both of them were shot outside the lab grappling with them till their last breath.

Their holy blood crept in slowly in the lab with a typical SDG viscocity (slooww flow) which made the DASHing Einstein (still in his last night hangover) puke. Kaka became queasy at the sight of both the blood and the puke and had a great yearning to go to his favorite hangout place ‘CHEDIS’ to smoke the ‘Peace’ pipe. Flabbergasted by all the heroics and bloodshed, our treat freak Mitro asked the terrorists for a Treat to celebrate their successful shooting.

Another shot!!! This time in front of us. Blood spouted out in copious quantity as the entire lab became inundated with human plasma. Gamauch was trembling with trepidation as Babu regurgitated for the first time. But we suddenly saw some movement in the reposing cadaver. Our branch Kholu stood up to everyone’s astonishment smiling as I saw the blood drenched faces of our Neal, Nikki and AZAD fanatic pop up from behind. Everyone looked at each other and at the same moment with a perfect NEHRU HALL synchro, all of us jumped up in jubilation and the ambience became rife with cries of “HAPPY HOLI….HAPPY HOLI” as our seniors masquerading as terrorists joined the party with their Gun shaped Pichkaris.

It was one of the most colorful and adventurous holi of our life. For the first time we realized that we with our DASHing yet intellectual dude, happy and Gay KAKA, gauche but hyper cute Gamauch, poltu but a marvel-at-heart AZADian, the cantankerous yet affable Mitro and everyone else make up the most frolicsome group ever. We just have to keep smiling and helping each other out coz as is said in Ice Age – that’s the way we live in a herd.

Love you all. We are licensed to chill. Let’s do it!!!

- Rohit Prateek

(A 3rd year proud Instru)